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relationships

"I know you're upset but I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm sorry but I was just reacting to what you did"

"I forgive you but I'm afraid I will be hurt again"

"I love you but Buy coumadin without prescription, you drive me nuts"

What's wrong with these sentences?  These common, ordinary sentences?  We hear them all the time.  We say them all the time.  What's wrong is they send a double message.

What's wrong is that even though the first part of the sentence is lovely, buy coumadin pills, Cheap coumadin in uk, the "BUT" (and everything after it) negates, abrogates, coumadin in malaysia, Cheap coumadin on internet, annihilates, belies, buy generic coumadin, Order coumadin from canada, cancels out, disaffirms, cheap price coumadin, Coumadin non prescription, invalidates, nullifies, coumadin generic, Cheap coumadin from canada, rescinds, reverses, discount coumadin online, Pharmacy coumadin, undoes... voids the first part of the sentence.  After you say "BUT"...people stop listening and they don't believe what you say.  "Buts" are destructive habits, coumadin canada. Buy coumadin from india, The solution is simple.  As a first step, try substituting "but" with "and". 

"I know you're upset, buy coumadin online cheap, Coumadin prescription, and I didn't mean to hurt you"

"I'm sorry and I was reacting to what you did"

"I forgive you, and I'm afraid I'll get hurt again"

"I love you and you drive me nuts"

AND...A larger step is to  eliminate the 'but', buy coumadin in us, Coumadin overnight delivery, make two separate sentences, and reverse the order, find coumadin online, Buy coumadin online without prescription,

"I didn't mean to hurt you.  I know you're upset."

"I reacted to what you said.  I am sorry."

"I'm afraid I'll be hurt again.  I forgive you."

"You drive me nuts.  I love you."

Small but powerful differences.  Try it.  It'll grow on you. Coumadin cheap price. Get coumadin. Cheap coumadin without prescription. Coumadin medication. Discount coumadin overnight delivery. Coumadin online cheap. Coumadin pharmacy. Generic coumadin cheap. Coumadin medicine. Discount coumadin no rx. Buy coumadin cheap. Find no rx coumadin. Find cheap coumadin online. Buy coumadin once daily. Buy cheap coumadin. Free coumadin. Price of coumadin. Canadian pharmacy coumadin. Coumadin pill. Find discount coumadin.

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A lot of my writing is based on the foundational premise that our emotional reactions are our own Buy zanaflex without prescription, , and are not caused by others.  And I hear you protesting, some of you...

But they said that...or did that...and that made me mad!

I will give you this...there are things that people do or say which create a greater likelihood that the receiver will experience a certain emotional reaction.  If someone does or says something mean, zanaflex australia, Purchase zanaflex no rx, there is a greater chance that you will feel scared, or hurt, cheap zanaflex no rx, Lowest price for zanaflex, or angry.  yes.  These situations call for assertiveness skills and establishing boundaries.

But more common is the situation where we have an emotional reaction that is out of proportion to the situation...where a small thing someone else does or says leads to a BIG reaction on our part.  This is a trigger.

What happens is that the trigger is touching on an emotional bruise you can't stand feeling...your kryptonite...usually something like feeling worthless, zanaflex in uk, Zanaflex overnight shipping, unimportant, powerless, buy cheapest zanaflex on line, Cheap zanaflex overnight delivery, rejected, ashamed, cheap zanaflex no prescription, Tablet zanaflex, and the need to avoid this kryptonite makes you panic.  Finding out what your particular kryptonite emotion is will be very important.

The panic leads to implosion in some...shutting down, order zanaflex on internet, Zanaflex price, running away, addiction or depression.  For others it leads to explosion or using anger to take control of others in the situation, cheap zanaflex. Buy zanaflex in us, The key to avoiding implosion or explosion is to turn on your internal cooling system.  Your emotions are heating up and building an internal air conditioner is a necessity.  Kids too...everybody can benefit from having the capacity to regulate their emotions.  Knowing what our triggers are, can help us identify the times when we need to turn our AC on. 

EXAMPLE:    Sandy and David are married.  When David feels like he's being told what to do (this is his trigger, cheap zanaflex without prescription, Zanaflex professional, and he feels worthless or not good enough) , he explodes and raises his voice a bit.  Although he feels he is not yelling, find discount zanaflex online, Buy zanaflex online without prescription, Sandy experiences it as aggressive and she implodes by shutting down and crying.  The  (even slightly) raised voice is a trigger for Sandy.   If Sandy recognises that when David raises his voice even a little she starts to feel unsafe and retreats to protect herself, cheap zanaflex from uk, Zanaflex online pharmacy, then she can use this awareness to take that minute or two to remind herself that she is safe, and that she has the power to let David know how his voice affects her.  Same process for David...he can remind himself that Sandy values him very much but has a habit of making commands, order cheap zanaflex online, Find cheap zanaflex online, and he can tell her how this affects him.  An internal air conditioner calms us from the inside.

COMMON TRIGGERS:  Being told what to do, order zanaflex no prescription required, Cheap zanaflex online, being laughed at, when someone doesn't do something they said they would, generic zanaflex, Zanaflex without prescription, when someone witholds information, when someone does something you don't want them to do...these things often trigger those intense kryptonite emotions and yet are things that happen often in our lives. 

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Buy female pink viagra without prescription, When something goes wrong, is it your impulse to blame yourself, or to find fault in someone else?  Two very polarized responses... Female pink viagra non prescription, each with very different results.

You're walking down your driveway and you step on a nail.     Do you internally or externally let loose at the child/partner/gust of wind/God who put the nail there?  Or do you shrink in embarrassment at your own stupidity, buy female pink viagra. Female pink viagra internet, You are generally unhappy.  Do you find fault with your partner/job/mother-in-law/horoscope or do you fill your brain with negative thoughts about yourself and what a loser you are.

You are stuck in a destructive relationship.  Do you focus angrily on what you want your partner to do differently, female pink viagra for sale, Discount female pink viagra online, or do you ask yourself "what's wrong with me that they don't love me?"

Anytime that anything goes wrong, there's a decision we make, female pink viagra pill, Female pink viagra online without prescription, however momentarily, about what meaning we will make of that incident.  I suggest today that neither of these two options...blaming yourself or blaming others, order female pink viagra on internet, Female pink viagra india, will be helpful if it becomes a habit/ is the only thought you have/is relied upon too much/is a quick and reactive response.

If you habitually blame others for things that go wrong, you will eventually turn people off or away.., buy female pink viagra without prescription. you will alienate those you care about.., buy female pink viagra overnight delivery. Female pink viagra no prescription, and you may end up filled with anger and probably very lonely because no one will want to be around you.

If you instead typically blame yourself, female pink viagra buy drug, Cheap female pink viagra internet, the consequence will be more one of sadness, low self-esteem and possibly depression, female pink viagra sale. Where to buy female pink viagra, Choose your poison...or maybe choose another way of looking at it.  Instead of a blame pie ready to be divided up, try thinking of each person as being 100% responsible for their own choices and nothing else.  There is no need to blame...no need to find fault.  I am responsible for thinking about my actions long enough to try to predict how they may affect others, canadian pharmacy female pink viagra, Order female pink viagra no rx, and I am responsible for the choices I make.   Other people are responsible for their stuff. 

But please do hold yourself and others responsible.  If you reglect to hold yourself responsible for your choices, you risk being irresponsible, female pink viagra overnight shipping, Buy female pink viagra pills, and hurtful, to those around you.  If you don't allow others to be responsible for their choices and actions, female pink viagra canada, Buy female pink viagra without prescription, you risk taking over, being controlling or too nice or too passive in relationships.   Responsibility is necessary if we are functioning as adults. 

When a problem arises, female pink viagra alternative, Buy female pink viagra in us, the question doesn't need to be "Whose fault is that?".    A better question is "What do I do now?"  Blame and fault slow down the process of moving through problems.  It's the cog in the wheels.  I challenge you to help me rid our language of this "F" word. Cheap female pink viagra. Cheap female pink viagra in usa. Female pink viagra side effects. Buy female pink viagra on internet. Buy female pink viagra lowest price. Price of female pink viagra. Female pink viagra no rx required. Female pink viagra approved. Female pink viagra medicine. No rx female pink viagra. Order female pink viagra in canada. Female pink viagra bangkok. Buy female pink viagra low price. Cheap female pink viagra from usa. Buy female pink viagra us. Cheap female pink viagra overnight delivery. Female pink viagra prices.

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Buy viagra without prescription, Fear is a powerful emotion.  It can get us to do all kinds of things.  Are you.., buy generic viagra online. Viagra us,


  • Clinging to a destructive relationship because you fear that's as good as it gets?

  • Isolating yourself because you fear no one could love you?

  • Avoiding certain places or people because of a fear of what might go wrong?

  • Walking on eggshells in a relationship because you fear someone's emotions or reactions?

  • Giving in to your kids because you fear their tears may make you feel like a bad parent?

  • Staying in a stuck place professionally because you fear failure or success?

  • Hurting or controlling or smothering someone because you fear losing them?

  • Nagging at your family members because you fear chaos might overtake your household?


Odds are most of you see yourself in one of the above scenerios.

Or maybe worry, buy cheap viagra, Viagra no rx, a milder form of fear, is trapping your mind instead of your actions.  Do you give away your days to endless ruminations about what might possibly go wrong for yourself or others, cheap price viagra. Order viagra from canada, Fear and worry whisper in our ears and tell us we need to fix things...we need to do something NOW.  Or they can also paralyze us and lead to depression, hopelessness and helplessness. 

But fear is always about something that hasn't happened yet!  Fear and worry will try to convince you that the terrible thing is likely to happen (when it's not), cheap viagra no prescription, Generic viagra, and that when it happens, you won't be able to cope (and you will).  It is selling you a bill of goods.  I see people giving their lives away to fear and worry...losing the present because fear keeps them in the future and all the things that could go wrong, purchase viagra online. Viagra uk, The answer...is learning to refute those messages from fear.  A few sessions with a qualified therapist can be very helpful, and in the meantime, viagra price, Tablet viagra, try these:


  • Write down the fear and then ask yourself "what's the worst thing about that?"..."and then what might happen?"..."and what's the worst things about that?"...until you get to the bottom...the nugget of insecurity that feeds the fear.

  • Write to the fear.  Write a letter to fear or worry about how it is messing up your life.  See it and speak to it as if it was separate from you.

  • Pretend you are a lawyer and you need to convince a jury that fear is lying.  What is the evidence that fear is not being truthful?

  • Schedule fear or worry.  Schedule in 15 minutes out of your day and force yourself to focus on fear and worry.  But only give it that chunk of time.  No more.

  • 5-4-3-2-1 is a grounding technique.  Say outloud 5 things that you see, 5 things that you hear and 5 things that you feel physically.  Then say outloud 4 things that you see, viagra rx, Viagra vendors, hear and feel...then 3...then 2...down to 1.  By this time you are hopefully at least in the present.


It takes determination but you can reclaim your life from fear and worry.  See some of my related posts:

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Buy gold viagra without prescription, I've seen people spend years stuck in angst or resentment about something painful that happened.   It could be anything from an argument with a sibling to a betrayal of trust or the death of a loved one.  Fixating on the past keeps us from fully living in the present...and it doesn't change the past.

You can't change what happened.  You can only change the way you think about it and the amount of energy you devote to it, find gold viagra no prescription required. Order gold viagra no prescription, Here are a number of questions that might assist you in moving past whatever it is that happened...


  • Are you avoiding an emotion?  Sometimes we fear that the intensity of an emotion (like feeling abandoned, gold viagra online, Find gold viagra online, shameful, unimportant or powerless) will devour us or incapacitate us, find cheap gold viagra online, Order gold viagra from us, so the stuckness helps us avoid it.  Is it possible that letting yourself feel the emotion will be less devastating than you fear? 


 

  • Are you stuck asking yourself "why?"...  sometimes things happen that make no sense to us and we spend years trying to figure it out.  "Why" questions are not easily answered...they're generally useless.   Ask yourself whether you need to know why in order to move on.  Is it possible to accept that you will never know why?  Can you accept the powerlessness of not having your questions answered?  Is not knowing why reason enough to keep yourself from moving forward?


 

  • Do you blame yourself for what happened?  Sometimes when bad things happen we think it's our "fault", and our stuckness is about not feeling deserving of moving on to a happier place.  Can you have compassion for your imperfection and any mistakes or decisions you made?  Can you let others take responsibility for their own decisions?  Does punishing yourself make anything better for anyone? 


 

  • The fear of something recurring can keep us from getting past events that were hurtful.  When someone does something that hurts us, cheap gold viagra without prescription, Buy gold viagra in us, we do deserve for them to make it better, if we are in a relationship with them.  We can ask for what we need from them.  But constantly bringing up the mistake or the hurt can actually erode any trust that is attempting to be rebuilt.  For example...your loved one breaches a trust and you fear that it will happen again.  You are unsure if you can trust them again.  There is no answer to that question "can I trust them?".  Trust is a decision...an act...a verb.  You either choose to trust them or not.  See this blog on an "acting as if".  So, gold viagra cheap price, Gold viagra in uk, while the past should inform us about what someone is capable of, if you want a relationship to work, cheap gold viagra in canada, Buy gold viagra on line, it is necessary to forgive and move on.


 

  • Did something happen that you continually replay in your head?  Do you go over and over situations that upset you?  This is completely useless unless you are practising for what to do differently next time.  Try letting yourself imagine different endings for 15 minutes, but limit yourself to that. 


 

  • Forgiveness.  Sometimes we stay stuck because we can't 'forgive'.  Do you think that forgiveness is about saying something is "okay", price of gold viagra. Gold viagra rx, It doesn't have to be...we can choose to view forgiveness as a decision not to "let someone off the hook", but to simply stop carrying around all the hurt and resentment.  Forgiveness is about deciding that carrying around the hurt doesn't help.


 

  • Sometimes we get stuck in the past because we keep recreating it.  We can't get past hurtful behaviours because they are still happening.  When they happen again, buy gold viagra no rx, Gold viagra professional, we feel flooded with all the old emotion about the hundreds of times we felt that way.  If we can't get past something because it keeps happening, then the question becomes what are we still doing in that relationship?  We can't always have emancipation from family members, find no rx gold viagra, Gold viagra alternative, and here we can only accept people for the flawed being they are if they ignore our please for change.  But most of the people in our lives are there because we let them be...we choose who to surround ourselves with.  If someone cannot respect you, how can you at least respect yourself?


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