From the category archives:

Personal Strength

Buy zantac without prescription, Trust is one of the fundamental elements in a relationship.  We cannot really be close to someone if we can't trust them.  And if we are...this may not be wise.

This blog is for those of you who have messed up...made a mistake...hurt somebody...damaged the trust someone had in you.  It is within your power to earn that trust back, purchase zantac without prescription. Discount zantac overnight delivery, Note that I said earn..  You cannot demand trust.  It must be earned, and given freely.  There is no big sign that declares someone trustworthy or not.  Someone decides...or not...to place their trust in you.  To trust that their heart/money/safety is safe with you.  Trust is a gift, buy zantac online, Canadian pharmacy zantac, and a decision. 

That said, here are some things that are within your power to do when you have broken trust:


  • Know that it cannot be fixed immediately.   You cannot rush the process.   You may feel better if the incident is never mentioned again, cheap zantac pill, Online zantac, but that's not realistic.  See the rebuilding as a process that takes time and patience.

  • Listen.  There is tremendous power in your ability to listen to and really hear and understand the pain you have caused.  It takes courage to face someone we have hurt, but this is what moves you through to trust.  Just listen to and accept their emotion.  No excuses.  Be that soft place for them to fall.

  • Take responsibility for what you did.  You are not responsible for their emotions...only for what you did.  Name what you did.  Name that it wasn't okay.

  • Apologize in many different ways.  Chapman and Thomas's book "The Five Languages of Apology" describes apologizing as saying "I am sorry."  "I was wrong", buy zantac from us, Zantac bangkok, "What can I do to make it right?" "I'll try not to do that again", and "Will you please forgive me?"

  • Act differently.  If your actions sent the message that your partner/friend wasn't important...then do things that send the opposite, discount zantac no rx, Zantac australia, correct message.  Do things that say "You are vitally important to me".  This can be as small as sending a quick text to say "how's your day?"

  • If the mistake was a lie about something that was hidden, then the gift of transparency is powerful.  Information is power.  Letting your loved one know where you are, canadian zantac, Buy zantac no rx, who you are with...leaving your email, phone and facebook account open and available...openness feeds trust.

  • Do not repeat the behaviour.  If a mistake is made and the lesson is learned, zantac free sample, Lowest price for zantac, that is one thing, but if you are repeating the behaviour, buy zantac cheap, Order zantac in us, then you may want to seek professional help if figuring out why this is happening.  Acting trustworthy is ultimately the only way to get people to trust you.


Let me know if you have anything to add to this.

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What is our deepest desire?  It is to be loved.  To feel lovable and to be loved. 

The only way to find love, is to allow ourselves to be known...to get close.   We will need to connect with someone...to achieve intimacy;  a state or process of deep connection.  That is how we find love.

Even self love...cannot happen unless we truly connect with and know ourselves intimately, norvasc online sales. Find discount norvasc, Intimacy is difficult because there are big risks.  If we let someone get close, we risk rejection, norvasc information, Find cheap norvasc online, indifference...we risk not feeling loved.  For some that's too big a risk to take.  Trauma, old hurts and resentments, buy cheapest norvasc online, Canada norvasc, the busyness of life, daily distractions, cheap norvasc from canada, Norvasc drug, fear of being hurt...all these things stop us from reaching intimacy in a relationship.  If something is getting in the way of you connecting with someone... I suggest talking to a qualified therapist. 

The rewards for achieving intimacy are so substantial.  It's a cliff worth diving off.  For those of you who are ready for intimacy and want to know how to create it in your relationship...here is a place to start:


  • Identify how you and your partner like to connect.  Intellectually, find norvasc online, Norvasc buy online, emotionally, physically?  When do you feel connected to them?  What is your preferred form or language of connection?  Are your styles the same, order discount norvasc, Norvasc price, or different?  Who shuts down...pulls away...reaches out.

  • Make a point of reaching out in your partner's preferred form of intimacy.  It is just as legitimate as yours!

  • Every morning, both of you ask for one thing that you need in order to feel connected.  "Please bring me a coffee when you come home"  "Please shovel the drive before work"  "Please touch my hair"

  • Let each other know how you affect each other, cheapest norvasc price, Norvasc for order, positively and negatively.  It's so easy to stay silent, or to demand or nag.  To say "When you do that for me, norvasc online cheap, Norvasc buy, I feel so loved", or "When you forget to.., best price for norvasc. Where to order norvasc, I feel like I'm not important to you" we are letting them in to our inner sanctum.  We are saying "I want you to know me".  You are strengthening the fibers that connect you when you identify how you affect each other.  Please note that you are not responsible for their emotions.

  • Every evening, share something positive from your day.  Something you feel thankful for, order cheap norvasc, Norvasc cheap, or an amazing moment you had.

  • Touch each other non-sexually.  Touch has become so connected to intercourse in an unfortunate way.  When did you last massage their hands or feet...run your fingers through their hair...taking two seconds for a hug creates intimacy.  (Here's a fun game.  Person A leaves the room and Person B puts a tiny dab of perfume somewhere on their body.  Person A has to sniff until they find it.)

  • Take a bath or shower together.

  • Have a competitive snow fight or card game.  Make fun of your 'need to win'. 

  • Take two minutes and do nothing but look into each other's eyes.  Start at a few feet away and slowly get closer.  How close can you get?

  • Look at old pictures or videos.  Remember what you used to do that built your connection.

  • Another game...put flavours on your skin, and have your partner lick it and determine the flavour.  Let your imagination run with that one...

  • Name your emotions...your fears...your dreams...big ones and little ones.  Be curious about each other and ask the questions that you've stopped asking because you thought you knew it all.  You don't. 

  • Another game...make a facial expression and your partner has to guess what emotion might be attached to it. 


Have fun!  Stay close!  Get love, norvasc non prescription. Norvasc cheap price,  

 

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A lot of my writing is based on the foundational premise that our emotional reactions are our own Buy zanaflex without prescription, , and are not caused by others.  And I hear you protesting, some of you...

But they said that...or did that...and that made me mad!

I will give you this...there are things that people do or say which create a greater likelihood that the receiver will experience a certain emotional reaction.  If someone does or says something mean, zanaflex australia, Purchase zanaflex no rx, there is a greater chance that you will feel scared, or hurt, cheap zanaflex no rx, Lowest price for zanaflex, or angry.  yes.  These situations call for assertiveness skills and establishing boundaries.

But more common is the situation where we have an emotional reaction that is out of proportion to the situation...where a small thing someone else does or says leads to a BIG reaction on our part.  This is a trigger.

What happens is that the trigger is touching on an emotional bruise you can't stand feeling...your kryptonite...usually something like feeling worthless, zanaflex in uk, Zanaflex overnight shipping, unimportant, powerless, buy cheapest zanaflex on line, Cheap zanaflex overnight delivery, rejected, ashamed, cheap zanaflex no prescription, Tablet zanaflex, and the need to avoid this kryptonite makes you panic.  Finding out what your particular kryptonite emotion is will be very important.

The panic leads to implosion in some...shutting down, order zanaflex on internet, Zanaflex price, running away, addiction or depression.  For others it leads to explosion or using anger to take control of others in the situation, cheap zanaflex. Buy zanaflex in us, The key to avoiding implosion or explosion is to turn on your internal cooling system.  Your emotions are heating up and building an internal air conditioner is a necessity.  Kids too...everybody can benefit from having the capacity to regulate their emotions.  Knowing what our triggers are, can help us identify the times when we need to turn our AC on. 

EXAMPLE:    Sandy and David are married.  When David feels like he's being told what to do (this is his trigger, cheap zanaflex without prescription, Zanaflex professional, and he feels worthless or not good enough) , he explodes and raises his voice a bit.  Although he feels he is not yelling, find discount zanaflex online, Buy zanaflex online without prescription, Sandy experiences it as aggressive and she implodes by shutting down and crying.  The  (even slightly) raised voice is a trigger for Sandy.   If Sandy recognises that when David raises his voice even a little she starts to feel unsafe and retreats to protect herself, cheap zanaflex from uk, Zanaflex online pharmacy, then she can use this awareness to take that minute or two to remind herself that she is safe, and that she has the power to let David know how his voice affects her.  Same process for David...he can remind himself that Sandy values him very much but has a habit of making commands, order cheap zanaflex online, Find cheap zanaflex online, and he can tell her how this affects him.  An internal air conditioner calms us from the inside.

COMMON TRIGGERS:  Being told what to do, order zanaflex no prescription required, Cheap zanaflex online, being laughed at, when someone doesn't do something they said they would, generic zanaflex, Zanaflex without prescription, when someone witholds information, when someone does something you don't want them to do...these things often trigger those intense kryptonite emotions and yet are things that happen often in our lives. 

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Addiction:  Doing something repeatedly that you know will result in negative consequences.   An obsession or complusion that interferes with your ability to function in some way.  Buy provera without prescription, Addiction is also a way of avoiding certain emotional states, like powerlessness, rejection or worthlessness.  And the face of addiction is shifting.   All of the below are normal activities that can be addictive if taken to the extreme.

Lynda's Top Ten List:  The Most Common Addictions in 2011.

1, order provera online. Cheap provera in usa, Food.  Fast and Fatty...an epidemic.  Our bodies crave the sugar and starch and quantities of food that seem to (but don't really) satisfy a deeper emotional soul-based hunger.  Read "Women, Food and God" for an excellent exploration of this issue and a therapeutic and revolutionary approach to eating, provera in bangkok. Provera from india, 2.  Screens and Batteries: Instant Entertainment.  It seems that every toy has batteries these days.   Parents are so insecure they are easily brainwashed into thinking that hammering coloured pegs into a board with holes isn't good enough.  It needs to have coloured lights and sounds.   There are screens for each person and in every room.   Are we rasing a generation of kids who need constant entertainment that takes no effort?  Is it a way of avoiding guilt.

3.  Social Media.  Are we raising a generation of young people who can't function unless all their friends know everything they're doing at every moment?  Do you spend more time facebooking and linking in and tweeting about your life than actually living?  Are we so scared of feeling alone?  Has it become more important to have 500 friends than to spend a few hours actually connecting with someone, cheap provera tablets. We avoid feeling rejected, buy provera without prescription. Compare provera prices, 4.  Substance.  The good old fashioned addictions: Alcohol, street drugs, order provera overnight delivery, Buy provera once daily, prescription drugs... Numbing or avoiding emotional pain by altering the brain chemistry.   Led by biological predispositions and triggered by life events.  Treatments are available for this stuff at least.  A sub-category: Prozac and Other Such Drugs.  Some folks really do benefit from using these medications to kick-start or maintain a healthy brain function.  But, buying provera online, Provera free sample, doctors are handing them out like candy.  Research shows that they can be effective, mostly if combined with talk therapy.  But research also shows that exercise works just as well, buy provera overnight delivery, Generic provera cheap, and so does cognitive-Behavioural Therapy because it turns out that how you think determines how you feel. And maybe feelings won't kill us.

5.  Anger or other emotions:  See my blog on anger addiction and how it serves to help us avoid.  Addiction to a victim state helps us avoid responsibility.  Addiction to sadness keeps us from having to move on in life.  Addiction to fear keeps us from having to take risks or get close.  Are you stuck in one emotional state as a way of avoiding others, provera no rx required. Provera purchase, 6.  Youth.  We are obsessed with youth.  There are children having botox treatments.  Products aimed at the aging population help convince us that aging is a disease that can be cured!  We set ourselves up for misery if we can't accept that our bodies will age.  While there is hope that the babyboomers can make aging a beautiful thing and give power and voice to...maturity (I hesitate to say old!), there is also the danger that we will be a generation of bitter people because we equate happiness with a superficial youthful appearance  rather than the free and joyful state of mind we really seek.  We avoid the fear of death, provera cost.

7.  Sex and Gender.  The same 8 year-old who is having botox is also receiving brazilian waxes from her mother (who wants to prevent Buy provera without prescription, pubic hair growth).  Our obsession with being sexy leads to sexualized children and preteens (my daughter coined the term 'prostitots'), and women of all ages believing that their power and value can be measured by how many people want them sexually.  Sex has become about power, and not the expression of affection and love.  Everything is genderized, women and men are polarized in a way that leaves little room for the acceptance of the soft and vulnerable/weak in men or the dominant or independant in women.  Some societies acknowledge up to five different genders.  We slot people into two.  No room for grey. Buy provera online cheap, We avoid powerlessness and the helplessness of uncertainty.

8.  The Alteration of our Appearance in the Pursuit of "Beauty".  I meet so many beautiful young women who must spend at least two hours every day covering their natural beauty with layers of mascara and make-up.  We have forgotten what a woman without make-up looks like.  We laugh at pics of celebs we "catch" without make-up.  But beyond that...young women are obsessed with using surgery to alter their faces and bodies.  And this generation is passing the addiction onto our children...letting our kids think that looking "right" will keep them safe from bullying or make them happy.  We avoid feeling worthless.

9.  Reality TV.  Within the addiction of television, provera for sale, Buy provera no rx, we are addicted to wanting to peek into the weirdest things we can find.  We spend time watching other people scream and curse at each other, fill their homes with garbage, buy cheapest provera online, Provera online without a prescription,  stab each other in the back, have their heart broken and be humiliated (Tool Academy?).  People, order provera from us, Provera uk, the screens are filled with this stuff only because it's cheap for them to produce and because there is no end to the list of people who would sell their soul and drop their dignity and drawers for money and 15 minutes of fame.  We avoid our own lives.

10. Gambling (with our money or our hearts) Addiction to financial or emotional self-destruction Gambling is a yearning to feel special.  So is staying in a relationship when there is pain.  There's a chance that the bells will ring and you will get a prize.  There is a chance that this person will love you enough to treat you well.  Even a slight chance gets us hooked into pouring our money or hearts into something that's not likely to pay off.  We avoid worthlessness, low price provera. Buy provera on internet, What are you really hungry for?  What feeling do you avoid with addiction. Provera bangkok. Purchase provera. Provera pharmacy. Real provera without prescription. Buying generic provera. Buy provera canada. Provera information. Find provera no prescription required. Provera online review. Provera overnight. Order no rx provera. No rx provera.

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"Why do I keep doing that even when I know it's self-destructive?"

"Why do I keep picking partners who are controlling/unavailable/abusive?"

"Why won't they treat me better?"

"Why won't anything go my way?"

"Why can't I stop eating junk?"

"Why?" questions are popular. Buy phenergan without prescription,   From the age of three we pester people for the "why's"...we have the need to understand our world, partly because to understand it helps us feel less chaotic and helpless.  If you can understand something...if you have insight into it... you can change it, buy cheap phenergan internet, Phenergan internet, right.

Yes and no.  Insight can lead to change.  Except that so often, overnight phenergan, Buy phenergan generic, we have the insight we need and we still make the same dumb, habitual decisions over and over again.  Or, buy phenergan on line, Phenergan canada, we struggle to understand something that we can't find the answer to and this tortures us.  Then what do you do.

So let's deconstruct the "why?".  If you are struggling with a "why?" question, buy phenergan, Discount phenergan online, consider these thoughts:


  • Nike had it right.  Sometimes the answer to behavioural change is...behavioural change.  We can slice change thinly into small steps...rewarding ourselves for gains made... acting "as if" something is true...not buying the junk in the first place so that temptation isn't there.., phenergan cheap price. Buy phenergan no prescription required, exercising with a friend so it's harder to back out...setting up our environment to maximize the chances for success.. these things can result in small changes that provide momentum in a forward direction.  The behaviouralists didn't do all that research for nothing.  If you "just do it" once, buy phenergan from us, Order phenergan in us, then you know you can do it again.

  • Maybe the "why?" question you are asking is not the best question to ask.  Asking why another person does something is like banging your head against a wall.  They do it because of who they are.  They do it to protect their soft spots, to get their needs met...but it has nothing to do with you.  You don't have the power to cause their behaviours.  We influence each other, cheap price phenergan, Buy no rx phenergan, yes, but please stop at taking responsibility for someone else's stuff.  It's interesting that "Why do they keep hurting me?" is a more popular question than "Why am I with someone who keeps hurting me?" 

  • One of the most effective ways to force yourself into change is to tell people you are doing it.  I have been struggling with whether to stage a play of mine and all those related insecurities.  Recently I told a few people I was doing it (although I may have said 'probably'...).  So now I am more likely to do it.  Voice your goals.  Write them down, purchase phenergan online, Phenergan cheap drug, say them outloud, share them, phenergan vendors, Phenergan cheapest price, and ask people to hold you accountable.

  • Sometimes insight can be very important, depending on how you process things.  I am an analytical thinker, phenergan sale, Buy cheapest phenergan, and if you are too, then the process of deconstruction and analysis of a problem can be vital and fabulous fun as we dialogue or ruminate about it endlessly.  But.., cheapest generic phenergan online. Phenergan pills, if it doesn't result in positive change, or if it results in constant worry, phenergan no rx, Best price phenergan, how useful is it?  Notice if your struggle for insight becomes stale or stuck. 

  • You're not the only one in the equation.  You need insight, but does your partner?  I venture to suggest this may be a gender-related issue.  Women may tend to gather information and assemble it in a complex recipe rather than 'just do it'.  They want to examine a problem to death rather than 'just fix it'.  Example:  Joe comes home and his wife Terry is talking about a problem she had with a co-worker.  He feels helpless and frustrated, order discount phenergan online, Best price for phenergan, and thinks she needs a solution.  She just wants to talk about it, because that helps her feel less alone and it helps her 'work through it'.  He can't understand why she gets upset when he cuts off what sounds like useless whining to him and suggests that she simply ignore the co-worker.  Sound familiar?  Knowing yourself is great, price of phenergan, Phenergan sales, but knowing your partner and how your preferences interact is also important.

  • Are you focusing too much on the negative?  Too much straining to ask "why?" can result in whining (think of the three year old) or depression.  It can lead to a helpless or hopeless place where all we see is the big boulder on the road in front of us, and not the fork that leads to a clear path.   Emotions are determined by thoughts, compare phenergan prices online, Phenergan order, and changing your thoughts is a key to change (see a series of blogs on self-talk, 1, phenergan online, Discount phenergan, 2, 3).

  • If you are in therapy or looking for a therapist, order phenergan in canada, Order discount phenergan, ask them how they will help you accomplish change.  There's more than one way, and they will hopefully work with you in whatever way both fits and stretches your own processes.


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