I got shaken up a few weeks ago. I was in Port Stanley, at the Festival Theatre, and I happened to pick a random card out of the rack of greeting cards. It said (something to the effect of)…
“I abhor judgement…or maybe I would just do anything to avoid confrontation.”
Yikes! I felt another layer of my idealist post-modern skin sloughing off. It was like whoever wrote that card could see into my soul and was calling me out on something I didn’t even yet acknowledge or understand. I have spent weeks letting it roll around in my head in my spare moments.
I do fight making judgements…I judge myself for judging…I don’t think that anyone has the right to impose their belief or value system on someone else…BUT I also have a nature that is analytical and thinks critically. So I am questioning myself about all this…
Do I avoid judgements because that makes me everyone’s friend? Am I afraid to piss people off? Pooooossibly. I really don’t like people to be angry with me. Maybe being free of judgement is some sort of guarantee…how could anyone not like someone who just lets you be whoever or whatever you are? I may be afraid of being disliked…this is true. Although I have tried to let go of this curse many times, and have done so to some degree, clinging to a non-judgemental stance may be a disguise for just being… safe… nothing…blank.
When is it okay to judge? I give myself permission to judge people’s thoughtless or irresponsible or hurtful behaviours. It’s even important to do so because we all share this planet. I think its okay to proclaim my strong dislike for things like littering, smoking and Jack Black (except in that holiday film with Kate Winslet). I also reserve the right to quietly judge major fashion faux-pas (and I continue to enjoy them for their entertainment value). In the theatre world, I make judgements all the time about what I prefer and what I think works or not, knowing full well that my opinion pretty much matters only to me. Sometimes a judgement is simply a discernment which defines our tastes and preferences.
When is judgement wrong? What is its ugly side? See previous post on homophobia. It’s not okay for me to judge how someone looks (I’m talking about face…body…not what they wear…that’s fair game), or any other unchangeable part of their nature or person. Race, creed (a toughy because sometimes someone’s beliefs lead them to be hurtful), sexual orientation, abilities, gender, age, caste (although rednecks seem to be fair game)…all are not deserving of judgement.
Am I afraid of being judged myself? Lol. Of course. I’m trying to thicken the skin though.
My conclusion…from someone who is both suspicious of certainty and definitely prone to opinion…is that I will continue to struggle with these issues for all eternity. The world is gray with splashes of strong colour and some things are just black and white.
What do you think about all this?